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"We resumed our conversation later that night when we were already in bed."I've thought about what you said this afternoon, Tom."My heart rate suddenly increased. "Go on." Well, if we do choose to go down this route, it has to be with you as well as him. That way, if I do fall pregnant, we can still believe it's our child." That's what I would want anyway." There is something else." She paused."I'm listening." I don't want you thinking badly of me, but I have to admit that I do find Ray sexually attractive." Why should I do that, Clare? We both know he's a nice guy, he's good-looking and in the sexual sense he's new to you. I would be surprised if he didn't turn you on." So I don't have to pretend that I'm not getting any pleasure out of it; that I'm just tolerating it in order to get in the family way?"Just hearing her saying this was enough for me to start getting an erection."No you don't." And you won't get upset if I enjoy it? Because if that is likely to be the case, I suggest. She was concerned that if my old girlfriend showed up I would dump her. She believed it would be in my best interest if I saw her again and went out of her way to arrange it. As I look back now I understand her apprehension. Our first date we spent several hours walking and talking, I apologized for the horrible thing I did to her and nearly to our child. I begged her forgiveness. She, in turn, explained why we could never be together again. She placed our child for adoption because she knew I would be relentless in my pursuit of them. She feared what that might mean for our daughter if her defenses weakened, if only for a moment. To get back together now, after the sacrifices she had to make, would be to admit she was wrong. That would mean her sacrifice was in vain. We cried together for our lost child. We cried for the loss of innocence. I comforted her, saying it was entirely my fault. She had done what any loving mother would do and put the safety of her child before her own.
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